


Jack of All Trades

by HkHk



Category: Mass Effect, Psych
Genre: Gen, Mass Effect Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 20:43:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/702444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HkHk/pseuds/HkHk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shawn Spencer is no other than Shawn 'Shepard' Spencer! Right, no. Actually this was to fill a prompt and I was like, oh this could be funny! Turian!Gus is actually the only funny guy here. From Mass Kink Meme</p><p>http://masseffectkink.livejournal.com/4309.html?thread=10793429#t10793429</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jack of All Trades

It was after the Citadel got attacked the first time that Jane went to look for her brother. She was pretty sure he got a job somewhere on the Citadel the last time they talked. 

After an hour of searching she finally found his miserable butt coasting on a bench watching people. 

"Hey." 

"Hey." 

They both sat there allowing the calm seep through. 

"So, hero of the galaxy?" John smiled warmly at her, he never begrudged her accomplishments, never attempted to ride on her coat tails. 

"Yep. Got fired again?" 

He looked at her sheepishly hand on the back of his head his grin slightly wider this time. "The shop got trashed by some debris and my boss couldn't keep me on." 

Jane shook her head, eyes rolling. "You know if you need help getting a job I can help." 

"No need. I'll figure something out. I always do." With a cocky grin and slight swagger he got up hands tucked into his pockets. "After you're done with your mission I got something for you." 

It was a casual greeting and meeting, between two siblings who had trusted each other without question and relied on each other when they were on the streets. They'd meet whenever they could, leave messages for each other and gifts. Talk about girl friends and boy friends, about bosses and new styles. About John's frequent jobs and Jane's failure to snipe properly. 

When the news hit that Jane Shepard was dead.....

John Shepard was in his hotel room holding a small wrapped gift that he had meant to give to his sister. 

When two years passed and news started reporting sightings of Jane Shepard with Cerberus...

John Shepard was on Omega with a sniper rifle.

\---------------------------------------------------------

It was a perfectly normal day for one Jane Shepard. She biotically charged through the group of Cerberus mooks sending them flying like bowling pins. At her side Tali and Garrus moped up the crew.

"AIIIIEEE!" A civilian, a turian was screaming his head off, looked close to fainting. Poor guy was turning a darker shade of blue. Made his facial marks look more prominent. 

"Gus!" Another civilian grabbed the turian's elbow and dragged him back into cover. Sounded human but she couldn't tell not with the helmet he had on his head. "Breathe. Breathe." 

They managed to clear the way for the civilians to get out of the choke point and into the waiting shuttles. "Come on people, move it. Move it!" 

The following two minutes dragged on painfully as the final group got into the shuttles and lifted off. 

"Keelah." Tali settled onto the seats with a loud sigh. She turned her head leaned in the seat before deciding to slid bonelessly to the side. Of course when her arm smacked into something that wasn't there she freaked. 

Shepard turned, gun up just in time to see the two civilians appear out of thin air. No wonder the shuttle took just a bit longer to get into the air. Got two numbskulls who hitched a ride. 

"Look both of you are going to leave." 

"Leave? We're in space!" The turian looked like he was going to puke from stress. 

"She means when we meet up with the other ships." Helmet head drawled. 

Now that there weren't any distractions Jane realized exactly why she recognized that armor. It was the one she gave her brother as a gift. 

"You take your helmet off." She barked out. "Now." 

"What? We're already at the step? Man knew I was ladies bait." 

"Dude, that's Commander Shepard." The turian gave her a suave smile. "Hey lovely." 

"Dude!" Elbow to the side. 

"Helmet off. Now." If it wasn't who she thought it was she might just space the moron. 

"I have a shotgun." Tali had migrated to the other side of the shuttle and indeed had her shotgun out. 

"John. John. John. " The turian had edged as far as he could away from the small quarian and her massive shotgun. 

"Okay. Okay. Geez your spurs are digging into my suit man." John Shepard removed his helmet to look at his big sister's eyes with his own baby blue ones. "Hey sis." 

\-------------------------------------------

"Shepard you have a brother? Why didn't you tell anyone?" 

"Garrus can you just leave it? I don't like talking about myself." 

"Even when you ask about everything? And go along little jaunts to make sure we're okay? And we can't ask you about yourself? Shepard." 

"Garrus." Shepard gave her best friend her best glare. 

"Fine. Fine." He continued walking. "Did you have to punch him though?" 

\---------------------------------------------------

"Dude she punched you." 

"I know Gus." John held up the piece of ice against his face. "She still had her armor on too." 

"Dude you fell like a sack of rocks. Bam." He whistled appreciatively. "She got a nice waist and right hook." 

"Dude. Dude. That's my sister." 

"Yeah. Your awesomely hot sister. I'd totally risk an inter species incident with her." 

"She'd break you with her pinkie." 

"John. I may not look like it but I was in the army. I had training." 

"And yet you still puke when you see a dead body." 

Fwap. "Ow! Hey!" John rubbed his head where Gus had took a swipe at him. "Injured here." 

"You know, given what your sister is I'm surprised you didn't follow. Well, actually no. I kinda am not but still." 

"I guess sis got all the fighting genes. Me? I like adventuring, traveling the galaxy with hot chicks and seeing the universe." 

"And coning people." 

"Hey that was a one time gig...well okay many times gig. I was helping." 

"You were going to get us arrested." 

"But we didn't." 

"No that's only because of the whole squids from space thing. Now we're stuck on an Alliance ship commanded by your sister who punched you in the face." 

"I think they were called...Reapers?" John shrugged blinking his now black eye. "What do you think of cuttlefish?" 

"Cuttlefish?" 

"Yeah. I mean. Reapers." He made a face. "REAPERS." 

"Yeah that does sound scary. Reapers." Gus's mandibles shifted as he spoke. "Reapers." 

"Hrmmmm...." 

"Reapers." They both said at the same time. "Reapers." 

John sighed. "I'm hungry." 

"So am I." 

"...How long do you think they're gonna let us sit here?" 

"Don't know. Been ten minutes." 

"Ten? Really? Damn. And here I thought it was a few hours." 

"It's always like that John. Remember the time we accidentally pushed the hanar into the lake?" 

"We were running from an armed suspect." 

"Yes. The one you insulted repeatedly." 

"I didn't insult her. I just pointed out that she had big tits." 

"Dude she was a he." 

\-------------------------------------------------------

"Hi, I'm John." The human had Jane's crooked smile. "And this is Peanut Butter Jelly Time." 

The turian flashed a smile and a thumbs up. Garrus felt his mandibles widen in shock maybe surprise most likely shock. "...Peanut Butter Jelly Time?" 

What? 

Jane felt her face meet her hand. "John I'm serious." 

"I'm serious too, sis." Her now clearly insane brother indicates to his buddy. "Have I ever not been serious?" 

"Call me Gus." What passed as eyebrows were waggled at her. "Have I told you I'm a big fan of your work? First human spectre, savior of the council, defeater of the renegade Saren?" 

At some point during his long and flowery speech, her translator picked up a few things that it just failed to translate, she found herself backing up slightly. "Thank you Gus." 

"No problem." 

"Gus. John. I want both of you to stay here on this ship. It's too dangerous out there with the Reapers destroying all life in the galaxy. Don't get in the way and don't get into trouble. When we get back to the citadel I'm dropping you both off." 

"Of course my fair lady~" Now Jane knew that Gus was trying to flirt with her with the little english he knew. It just came out all wrong. 

When both Garrus and Jane left, John turned to his long time best friend ever and slapped him. 

"OW!" Gus said in a very high pitched voice sounding very much like a teenage girl. "What was that for!" 

"Dude. Sister." 

Gus just gave him an affronted look. "Your sister is hot. Powerful. She can command my ship all day." 

"...You have no idea how creepy that was. Direct your...your..I can't even remember the word to describe what you just did towards me. No. Wait. I can. Cheesy. Gus, buddy, you gotta get better pick up lines." 

"John my lines work on everyone. The asari at the docks, even hanar. I am good at what I do." 

"I thought you sold pharmaceuticals." 

"I am good at that too." Said without a stop in stride. "Well hopefully this entire nightmare will be over with. I still have to call my folks and see if they're okay. Sure it'd be boring stuck on this part of the ship but I heard they got this new game-" 

Gus stopped as he'd noticed his best buddy in the world had stopped paying attention to him and was busy pressing buttons on a console that he really shouldn't be touching. 

"John?" 

"Shhh..." John waved a hand as he masterfully eavesdropped on a no doubt highly classified mission. 

"John!" 

"Grissom Academy..." A thoughtful look passed on John's face one that Gus had instinctively associated with Oh God oh God we're all going to die. 

John whirled around to face Gus an enigmatic smile on his face. 

"No." 

"What? Come on Guster you haven't even heard my proposal." 

"I want to talk to my folks and knowing you, you want to my help to be dragged into this hair brained scheme of yours that will get both our asses shot at. And I for one would like to be able to sit down without wincing." 

"Come on Gus I need you." He placed his arm around his bestest buddy's shoulders. "I can't do this alone." 

"Really John?" Asked Gus skeptically. "I do recall you doing a few things by yourself leading C-Sec on a wild goose chase that nearly lead to you getting shot." 

"Ah, but that was Lassie and Lassie always wanted to shoot me." 

"That's because you keep antagonizing the man." 

"Gus. Gus. Please we're getting off topic and yes I know you were trying to get me off topic." John cleared his throat. "Think of it this way. We'll be helping Spectre Jane Shepard, your hero, your idol." 

John let the idea sink into Gus's frontal lobe. "Think of how pleased she'd be that we helped. That we made her mission so much more easier." 

"Aaahh...I don't know John, she looked kinda pissed at us. At you mostly. But..." Gus narrowed his eyes. "If I don't come with you, you'd do it anyways..."

"True." John wouldn't lie to his best friend. "However...." 

"Hrm?" 

"There is Psych without PBJ. Well actually there is BUT! That is besides the point. I need you man." 

Ten minutes later Gus wondered miserably why he let John talk him into these things.

\----------------------------------------------------

Jane Shepard didn't really know what to think when her brother showed up again with an unfamiliar turian and apparently jobless. During her fight with the collectors she didn't have the luxury to look for her younger sibling. Maybe a part of her didn't want, wondering how he'd react. 

She'd left him before. 

Once. 

A long time ago. 

"So, Shepard..." After the news broke about her little brother, it was a small ship after all and Gods knew her crew loved to gossip, a few of her squad mates had approached her about it. 

"Yes Tali?" 

"So." Jane knew Tali was nervous given how she was tapping her fingers together nervously. "I never knew you had a brother." 

"It's not something I'd like to advertise Tali. I have enemies who'd love to get back at me by going through my friends and family." Jane leaned against the side of the shuttle. "If they can't go through you guys, they'll get my little brother. He's not like me Tali, he never went through N7 training and...." 

She felt her voice waver slightly. "I wasn't always there for him and the last thing I want is for John to get hurt because of me."

Sneaking around while cloaked was a lot smarter than running in guns blazing. However when the world around you turned into a long circus of guns blazing being cloaked can only do so much. 

Gus whimpered as he followed John through the Academy. "What are we looking for?" 

"Something to help me figure out why Grissom academy was targeted. Why Cerberus would target this place." 

"Cerberus? The paramilitary secret black ops organization? The one that your sister was working for?" 

"Yeah." Sneak. Sneak. 

"John." 

"Yes Guster?" 

"Why don't you have your helmet on?" 

"It messes with my hair." Said with the air of a person who was completely astonished why such a ridiculous question would be asked. 

"Your hair. The silly soft fringe you have?" 

"It's not silly. It's wonderful. You should try." 

"No John I'm not falling for that." 

"Oh, come on Gus." 

"No." He held up his hand. " Remember the mustache incident?" 

John winced. "Yea...I kinda..don't want to." He shuddered." Dammit Gus now I got the image in my head. Forever. Thought I repressed it." 

"If I have to suffer you're going to have to suffer too." 

The two continued to jog through the building pointedly ignoring the dead bodies that were lain strewn across the floors. Some kids, some Cerberus people. Gus made a pained squeak as he walked by. 

Their little side mission didn't take too long, they avoided most of the fire fights and instead hacked consoles and collected data. It was suspiciously quiet. 

Gus looked through his visor watching the data scroll through. "Looks like your sister got to the kids. They're heading out through an alternate route." 

"Sweet." John rubbed his hands together. "Let's go." 

Gus started following when he realized they were going the opposite direction. "John. John..." 

"Don't worry. I found something earlier and figured now would be the right time." They were going back to the thick of the fighting. 

"Seriously? John! I don't want to die." 

\---------------------

"Come on people, move it. Move it." Jane pulled students into the shuttle. 

"Ma'am!" It was Rodriquez and she'd fallen behind. 

Shit. She slammed the butt of her rifle against the class swearing as Cerberus operatives gained on Rodriquez. She wasn't going to lose this kid. 

"RAAAAAH!" 

And there was John hightailing as if he was being chased, impacting one operative with a flying tackle. A scant second after Gus bull rushed another Cerberus operative sending him flying. 

"JOHN!" 

Her idiotic little brother was grinning like a fool. At least Gus looked appropriately freaked out. 

"MOVE IT!" 

Thankfully whatever was left of his brain knew of the danger he was in. As she watched him run over, she noticed the heat shimmer. Two of them. Instinctively she brought up her gun, finger on the trigger. 

"Wait." John was now waving his arms, getting in the way of her clean shot. The heat shimmers flickered into view. Two more students. 

Warily Jane lowered her rifle. "I told you to stay on the ship!"   
After loading everyone onto the shuttle and lifting off, Jane was in no mood to play nice. She didn't care that everyone else was there to watch her chew out her brother. She was beyond caring. 

"Why are you here? Did you want to die?" 

John didn't even look like he was listening to her, he had that silly smile on his face. "JOHN!" Her hands were at his shoulders and she shook him. "Are you even listening to me?"

It had been three very long years since they've even been this close. Three long years since she'd seen his face. And he had the gall to look... flippant at her. 

"Yeah. Yeah." His eyes were looking at everything but hers. "Look I know we didn't listen but it was totally Gus's fault!" 

The turian looked affronted at this blatant lie. 

"And we did help save two students. Three students. We were helpful." He was babbling. But why? 

"You can't do this John. It's not like when we were kids. This is more serious. You could actually die." 

And still he wasn't looking her in the eyes. It was never the same between when she left. Worse now. 

"Who the hell is this Shepard." Jack very tactfully butted in, eyes brows raised. 

"Hi, I'm John." With a cheeky grin and smooth move John removed himself from the situation and gravitated towards Jack. "And this is PB&J." 

Not at all impressed, Jack shifted her gaze to Jane. "Who the f-fudge is this?" 

"He's my little brother."

Jane didn't know what was worse Jack looking incredulous at her brother as if not being able to believe that her bumbling younger brother wasn't a badass like she was. Or that her younger brother's friend was trying to hit on Jack. 

On one hand Jack might consider it simply because well...it's Jack and awkward as the turian was, he was also fresh meat and was trying to woo her. On the other hand, the turian was trying to be suave and even from here she could see it wasn't working.

Either way could end up bad. 

In all consideration Jane wasn't even sure if she could motivate herself to even attempt to stop the train wreck from happening. Even John was egging it on making comments on the side but also supporting his friend. 

It was good that John wasn't alone when she died. That he had a friend he could lean on. She named him her beneficiary...hopefully he didn't blow all the credits. Even if he was jobless again, John looked happy. 

Running around without a helmet or any fighting skills in the middle of a war zone and John had the gall to look happy. She ought to slap him silly. 

But truthfully they needed to talk. To clear out some air. 

\----------------------------

"Stay." And with that Spectre Shepard left them in the room and locked the door behind her. 

Gus turned to look at John. "This is one of those situations where we are these furry Earth animals yes?" He raised a hand and meowed. 

With the way turian's faces, the flat plates and the meowing Gus looked like a cat. 

"......" 

"Cat yes?" Gus meowed again. 

"I..I.." John made a fidgety motion clasping both hands over his mouth. "Y-yes Guster. A cat." 

"Me-ow." 

It took all the willpower John had to not let loose and cackle like a madman. 

\---------------------------------------

They were back at the Citadel for fuel and some equipment. Jane was gathering all the armies she could racing against the clock. Hoping that all the lives she was sacrificing would mean something. 

Time to talk to Aria.

Purgatory was choke full of drunk soldiers, civilians trying to drink the entire war behind them and dancers. 

The world keeps on turning even as the universe burns. 

She passed the guards that always flanked Aria, Garrus just a step behind her along with Liara. As she got closer, Jane heard conversation over the booming music. And laughing. 

As Aria came into view, there sitting on the couch on the side was John Fucking Shepard. Who was talking and gesturing wildly a broad (real) smile on his face. Talking to Aria who was listening, elbowing his turian friend on the side (who had the decency to look nervous).

"Commander Shepard." It was Aria (of course) who brought attention to her arrival. "It's good to see you again." 

"Aria." 

"Sit. Have a drink." 

"I'd rather stand." Can't really sit down and be calm, especially when John places his feet up and covers the couch in an obscene manner. 

With a casualness that screamed of something else, Aria favored Jane with an all knowing look. Sometimes Jane just wanted to punch that smug look off her face. 

"What do you want, Commander?" 

\--------------------------------

While Shepard attempted her hand at diplomacy Garrus watched the other two people in the room. John Shepard and Peanut Butter Jelly Time. He could have sworn he knew that turian from somewhere. 

It may have been from basic or even C-sec. The turian didn't look like the type of person to go crawl around in seedy places and buy a night with a hooker. Not the kind of person he'd see on Omega. 

As for John Shepard, well, he'd seen that type before. At first when he came to knowledge that this was Jane's brother he was surprised. Initially he thought any brother of Jane would be a tall and muscle bound kind of person, like Vega.

Thought John would have the same qualities that Jane would have, smart, honest, brave. John was coming off as a tick, the kind he had to deal with when he was with C-sec and later on Omega. 

It was as if John was running a con, another angle that he hadn't figured out yet. He had a buddy pull up some records found John's name tagged to a few C-sec cases and some Earth ones. All were solved. 

He dug a bit further and found a discrepancy, two years where he wasn't on anyone's radar officially, and his juvenile record. There were many people who wanted to get to Jane and they'd do anything. 

Even turn siblings against each other.

Liara T'soni is the Shadow Broker. 

She is the current Shadow Broker in a long line of Shadow Brokers. 

She too was also curious as to the person who Jane Shepard's younger brother. And she too had noticed Garru's investigation. She had to be able to, if not then she wouldn't be a good information broker. 

What she found was much more illuminating. About John. About his friend Burton Guster. Interestingly enough, she found more information on Burton than John. 

Burton had a lackluster career in the turian military instead choosing to go the private sector but not as a security guard. Instead he chose to be a pharmaceutical representative. And a very good one too. 

At some point, perhaps even before, they started working together. His money transactions showed that he was being paid well but most of the money vanished just as quickly as it came. 

Consultative work with several police agencies under the guise of a... psychic. With John Shepard as the main psychic. Right there was several counts of fraud, hampering police investigation and several other crimes that will land the intrepid duo in jail. 

It'd make sense why they fled. What didn't make sense is why Burton was in Omega two years ago.Or why Aria had John Shepard listed as an employee.

It gets worse. 

John Shepard was in her database, well the former Shadow Broker's database. There were some files on him. John Shepard had logged in some time in the firing range. In various worlds. 

He has the highest score (on all the worlds) beating out several Spectres. 

John may look disarmingly unintelligent and unnecessarily loud but there was a hidden strength in him.

It was all coming together. 

Burton Guster and John Shepard were a covert team. No doubt a few years ago they became partners and Burton started training John. From there John would take several jobs, gathering data and then leaving. It was the perfect plan. No one would suspect it.

John certainly looked harmless with his tousled hair and childish face. And Burton was excellent at deflecting questions while being suave. With his training in the turian military he would be able to handle most dangers.

The real question would be who is John Shepard? Is John Shepard really Jane's sister? Maybe someone killed him and took his identity? From what Jane had been telling her John wasn't a highly trained spy. 

Could be Cerberus. They had to be able to recreate Jane Shepard and that required going through her life. They could had recruited him. John Shepard had a long list of jobs he was fired from or left. He might have needed the money. 

But then there was Burton. He was even considered for Spectre candidacy before a bizarre incident took place and his file was forgotten. 

Liara T'soni is the Shadow Broker. She knows a lot of everything, has her fingers deep in everyone's pies. Could start a war in ten minutes. It's a lot to do, a lot to handle, especially in the middle of a war.

Which is why when she added two plus two, she got ten (in base four).

 

\------

John knew it was stupid to see Aria again. Gus's spurs were digging into his leg and it hurts and he wanted to cry like a baby. A big baby who was denied his favorite foods. 

That was really the only reason why he was sprawled on the couch. He wouldn't admit that the couches were really nice and soft. Probably why Aria wanted only this VIP section instead of the others ones that gave a better view of the entire place and a better sniper point. 

She had a weakness for soft and pliable things. 

One of the reasons why she wanted Omega back. That one room had the softest chairs John had ever the honor of putting his butt on. So nice. 

Oh, sure the money was good and the location but those cushions...like sleeping on a cloud. 

John had half his ear on the sofa, and the other half watching the conversation. Jane never had a good grasp on diplomacy, she'd more likely to stab a person than to be nice. She wasn't always this way, he remembered when she'd smile more and frown less often. 

But that was before it was just the two of them. 

As he watched, he noticed the ways her eyes narrowed, the thinness of her lips. She had dark circles around her eyes, her skin was tighter than usual. If he focused enough, he'd notice the differences in her body. 

She looked more frazzled than usual. 

She was also drinking more. 

John shifted his gaze to the two aliens who flanked her. A turian and an asari. One of them...was doing her. He wasn't really sure who because they both gave off vibes. Then again nearly everyone on the ship had that same sort of..vibe. 

This just meant he was going to have to mess around with everyone and scare them away from his sister. Big sister or not as the man of the family he had to be the one with the shotgun and the dour look. 

Besides the turian had been looking into him. John sat up and nudged Gus on the side. "What?" 

John leaned in. "You know the guy in blue?" 

"Yeah." 

"He's Archangel." 

Gus shot him a look, an incredulous one. Then looked at Garrus then back at John. 

"You sure?" 

"Yep." John leaned back into the nice cushion. 

Now this was going to be fun. Gus should be able deter Garrus. 

Now, as for the asari...

What to do with her. 

Aria's lip curled in vague distaste as the trio left. Well the second turian left as well to not doubt pester Archangel. Nothing goes on in this tiny VIP booth without her knowledge. 

She leaned back in the absurdly comfortable seat before turning her head to look at the human sprawled on the couch. 

"Well?" 

He didn't even move, his blue eyes staring at the ceiling. "I think they need to repaint the ceilings." 

She scoffed. "Don't test my patience." 

"I'm not." He continued staring at her. "Right there? That groove and bump? Wasn't there before." 

Aria didn't bother looking up, merely motioning for her guard. She whispered in his ear before settling back down. Waited for ten seconds before speaking. "If you hadn't had anything worth my attention, I might have had you thrown out." 

John smirked at her from his position before getting back into a siting position. "You always say that." 

"And I mean it every time." 

"Hmmm..." He tapped his chin, inspecting his nails in an attempt to buy time. 

"Now, tell me how is our savior of the universe." Such a loaded question but one she knew she'd get an answer to. 

"What do you want to know?" 

"Everything." 

"Really? Everything?" He was sitting properly now, hands on his thighs, his intense blue eyes looking at her. Examining her. 

Of all things she liked, it was his eyes. They looked at her, at all she was and all she let others believe her to be. Now that she was able to find a reference, Aria could see his sister in him. The moments when he was serious and focused, judging the distance to the door, the readiness of her guards. 

It was the same way his sister looked. 

Underneath the laziness and slouching, was a person still grieving for the loss of his sister. When he came to her three years ago, she knew how to direct him, use his unique skills to her advantage. 

He was very good at what he did. And very good at hiding it. 

It was a shame to let him go. Well, truthfully, he left without warning. She was very tempted to put a bullet in his head, can't have loose tongues waggling about her work or her contacts. 

Could still do it. Sure it'd cost more to get rid of the body but it was doable. It was just her and him. He had no weapon, she had herself. Probably could kill him before he could make a sound. 

He was looking at her with a calmness she found fascinating. She knew his abilities well enough could guess that he knew what she was thinking of. Only way a boy scout like him could survive in her world. 

His methods were unorthodox but she always came up on top even if she had to take a few loses. John always had a plan or pretended to have a plan. 

Aria smiled at John. "Yes. Everything." She leaned in. "She's real, if that is what you're asking. Real as being brought back from the dead can be." 

A sharp breath. 

"And you are acting more idiotic than usual. If you keep hiding behind that thin mask of yours you're going to do something that you'll regret." 

"Advice? From the great Aria?" He laughed but the smile never reached his eyes. 

Aria motioned with a hand. A guard walked over placing a datapad down on the table. 

"Time and date. Your gear as well." 

A nonplussed expression was plastered on her face, it came easier than smirking. "You should talk to Commander Shepard. World's ending, might not get another chance." 

John took the datapad scanning through it's contents. 

"She's Cerberus, used to be the second in command. Get rid of her." 

"Miranda Lawson?" He queried thumbing through the pages. "You want me to find her and get rid of her." 

"Yes. She got in my way when she was in Cerberus, and now that she doesn't have their protection...I want her eliminated." 

John's face grew more and more childish as he read the file. "You..you want her eliminated because..what? Because she has a better butt than you?" 

Aria snatched the data pad from his fingers and stared at the pictures that were there. He'd been zooming in on Lawson's assets and comparing them to hers. 

"Her ass is not better than mine." Her voice held a threat in it. 

"Well, she was genetically engineered to be perfect. So it makes sense she's very-" He made a hand motion one to no doubt draw out how curvy Lawson was. 

Aria's hand shot out, grabbing his, and then she just smoothly gravitated onto his lap. Her other hand pressed down on his chest. 

She grinned. 

He tried to sink further into the cushion. 

Aria leaned in, her lips over the shell of his ear. "It seems it has been too long and you have forgotten a very important rule." 

Her eyes turned pitch black. "No one fucks with Aria." 

\---------------------------------------

Gus was waiting for him outside the doors, a comfortable person to lean onto. 

"You okay?" 

"No. Headache." John groaned, his eyes looking glassy under the light. 

"How'd it go?" 

"We talked." He leaned his head against Gus's armored shoulder. "She kicked my ass." 

"Well you did kinda asked for it." 

"I did not." 

"...John you always seem to be asking for it." 

"Hey, hey. No blaming the victim."

"John when you taunt someone like that and you're within grabbing range, that's asking for it." 

"Just take me home." 

Gus chuckled and helped carry his best friend back to the Normandy. 

\-------------------------------

"Hi, I'm Joy Guster, the turian war correspondent." The tall and shapely turian female reached out with clawed hands to shake Jane's hand. 

"Nice to meet you." 

"I'll be helping with news, orders, and anything in particular the Hierarchy wishes to be known." 

"We already have a room set up for you." 

"Thank you." 

As the two started walking, the door to their right slid open revealing Gus and his somewhat still in pain buddy. Who he promptly dropped, ignoring the pained groan from said buddy. 

"...Joy?" 

" Burton?" 

"Burton?" Jane mouthed surprised that Burton was his name. 

"Joy?" Came the weak groan from John who was still on the floor. 

"John?" 

"Joy." 

Meanwhile Jane just stared at this awkward scene. Blankly. 

After the bizarre meeting where Burton had pulled his sister aside to talk to her, she decided to leave and relax a bit. That meant going into her room, locking the door and trying to take a nap without waking up in a screaming fit. It'd gotten to the point where she had barred EDI from her room. She'd rather wake up in a screaming fit without alarming the rest of the crew thank you very much. 

With that in mind, it made sense that when she entered the room, unzipped her N7 hoodie, turned to face the bed she yelped loudly. There sitting on her bed with his dirty shoes on her nice clean bed was her brother. Who was looking at a very personal picture. 

"Give me that!" Jane snatched her lover's picture away from her brother. 

There was much protest involving wandering hands who failed in their attempts to snatch the picture away. 

"But sis, I just wanted to see who I have to terrify." 

"Terrify? John do you even know how to do that? I do recall the time you ran screaming every time a fight occurred." 

"I didn't run screaming, I gave a manly yell." 

Jane rolled her eyes. 

John grinned. 

Stalemate

\-----------------------------------

Meanwhile, Burton was having a different sort of conversation with his older sister Joy. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"What do you mean by that? I'm helping Spectre Shepard. It is and always will be an honor." 

"I see." Joy's mandibles shifted uneasily. "Look, I don't care what business you have here, or why you're here but you have to go home. Mom and dad are worried sick and so is the rest of the family, especially your uncle." 

"I know. I'm worried too." Burton sighed, conveying much of his worry in that one simple breath. "But I can't leave John. He needs my help." 

"John looks pretty fine." And she meant it in another way. See, she and John had been going out a long time ago and that candle still burned. 

"He's not fine." The taller turian shook his head. "Right now he's freaking out and when he's freaking out, he can't think straight."

"What will you do?" 

"I'll stick by him, help him. He's my best friend after all." 

\--------------------------------

While two siblings talked and got caught up on lost time, two other siblings were not as successful. 

"John we have to talk." 

"About your lover?" 

"What? No. No we're not talking about that." 

"Why not? I have to be a good brother and good brothers keep an eye on their sister's love lives. Or was it ignore it? I can't seem to remember." 

"John, we are not talking about my sex life." 

"Woa. Woaaah. No. Of course not. I mean really all I have to do is look it up on the extranet." He sounded contemplative and then horrified. "Oh god. Oh god. Ew. Ew." 

Jane had the same expression, the 'what the hell' look on her face was perfect. 

And so John dodged an important question with horrible porn analogies. It'd come back to bit him in the butt later of course.

Later after all the chaos of having siblings on a military ship and the issue of the entire universe ending, Gus found himself cornered by his hero or rather heroes. 

Archangel and Jane Shepard were staring at him intently. 

He had half a mind to faint then and there. 

What does one do when faced by both your heroes? "Can I get your autographs?" 

Both heroes looked flummoxed by this. It was as if they were expecting fear and compliance more so than this hero worship.

"And your pictures? And mine as well with you two. I have a few buddies who'd love to know that I get to work with the great Spectre Shepard." 

The duo shared a glance a 'it's your turn' look. 

"Look Burton-"

"Gus. Just call me Gus." 

"Gus I need to talk to you." 

"Why?" 

"About John. He's been distant and no matter how many times I've tried to talk to him he's brushed me off." She wouldn't admit that pissed her off given how he's been smoozing with the rest of the crew charming the alliance and alien members alike. 

"Uuhh..." Gus winced mandibles pulled flat. "I can't really help you there." 

"You're his friend." The tone sounded accusing. 

The door to the side opened and Gus took this as the perfect moment to flee. "You're his sister." 

\--------------------------------------------

Jane found her brother up in the cockpit with Joker. They were both watching something that involved heavy moaning. 

"Ahem." 

Both men turned, John more so than Joker, both looking rather alarmed. 

"IT'S HIS!" 

"IT'S HIS!" 

Both men had turned on each other without a thought as if thinking it'd confuse her. They were dead wrong. 

"Actually it is Joker's. He pulled it from the secret database he keeps in my memory banks." And there was EDI's smooth voice telling Jane all she needed.

"Joker what did I tell you about loading the Normandy's database with porn?" 

"Uhh...to not to?" 

"Joker." 

"Sorry Commander but John wanted to see if I had anything worth watching." 

John instantly had his innocent look on. "What? Like I'd do that..that's just..just wrong." 

"Wrong." Echoed Joker in an unconvincing tone. "And we are sorry." 

"Yep." 

Jane counted to ten in her head. One. Two. Three--"JOKER...." 

If Joker could have bolted he would of but his crippled ass couldn't really move that much so he just cringed. 

"Commander before you blow up on me I will have to admit this." Joker took a deep breath as he contemplated breaking the bro code. 

"Your brother was watching vids of you having sex!" 

Gus wasn't really surprised to find his best friend huddled in a corner. Over the past few days he'd start seeing a stranger part of his best friend, one that he'd only spotted once during an extremely scary moment when John got shot. 

The only thing he could do is join his best friend in the corner, in the dark, where them being so close together might be construed as something else. 

"Still going through with it?" Gus knew everything well most of everything that John did and that made him a John-Reader much to his chagrin. 

"Yep." 

"You sure?" 

"Pretty sure buddy." 

"Alright." 

Silence.

"John-" 

"No Gus I already made up my mind. I'm going to have to stealth in my sister's room and scare her lover out." 

"......." 

"Huh? Oh I thought that was what we were talking about." 

\---------------------------------------------------------

Sanctuary a place where people could go during the Reaper war.

Sanctuary my ass thought Gus as he stepped around the corpses of husks and civilians alike. He had wanted to get back into Spectre Shepard's good graces and what is the best way but to help her, right? At first she was a bit apprehensive but allowed him to go with the Beta team to help clear out Cerberus troops.

Ah this reminded him of the good ol' days in training. A lot of screaming (mainly his) and running. And shooting of course. Gus's skill lied more in investigative work than shooting and he hung in the back. It was when they were looking at the various sort of drugs and the horrific experiments did Gus got to really shine. See he knows things, a lot of things involving drugs and experimental drugs and his nose knows things. 

What he was discovering wasn't good. Not at all. "They were experimenting on the refugees." 

"Now that is just wrong." Vega, the rather impressively muscular human, said scanning the perimeter. 

"Now the question is...where are the husks?" Now normally Gus knew better than to ask such a foolish question. And he was by a window. Bad things happen when you ask these questions.

THUMP

Right by his head on the other side of the glass was a husk and it was looking at him. 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" 

"SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" 

"AAAAAH!" That just about did. Gus practically leaped away from the glass as Vega started firing. 

\----------------------------

It was a pretty bad angle, the distance was a tad bit further than John was comfortable with but he could manage. Through the eye of the scope he had Miranda Lawson's head dead center. 

He waited. 

Pull.

Miranda Lawson had her gun trained on her piece of shit of a father who held her twin sister under gunpoint. It was a wonderful family reunion. 

"You don't want to do this Mr. Lawson." Shepard shouted, her own gun trained on him. "You can't possibly get out of this alive unless you surrender." 

He seemed oddly confident. "Do you really think I didn't think of this? That I wouldn't have planned against this?" 

Shepard didn't see it at first. Something punched into the glass near Mr. Lawson's head shattering it. Miranda jerked, her biotic throw tossing her father out of the window while she went to her knees as blood spilled from her arm. 

"Miranda!" Shepard was at her side, gloved hands putting pressure on the wound. 

\-----------------------

The feeling of cold metal against the back of one's head generally makes one very unhappy and panicked. 

"Step away from the rifle." The flanged voice was rather cold. "Shepard I found the shooter." 

John wondered if he'd get shot then and there. Garrus might have been a good cop but he'd operated in Omega and had done a few questionable things. He may have been a good turian but people change. 

"What were you thinking!" There was no hell, no fury like a woman scorned or Jane Shepard when she was on the war path. 

"What the hell happened to you John? Working for Aria? Cons? When did you become a criminal?" Both Liara and Garrus fessed up on their investigation. It really didn't help John's case. 

Even Gus couldn't be much help as one look from Jane sent him scurrying. 

"You almost killed Miranda!" Pure anger seethed from every pore of Jane's body. "Guess I'm supposed to be happy that you missed!" 

Well actually a shot like that...

The anger drained away as quickly as it came. "I'm tired of losing the people I care about. Mordin. Legion...and now you?" 

Carefully, oh so carefully, John walked over and wrapped his arms around his sister's suddenly frail body. Nothing he could save would erase what he had tried to do or how much he had failed himself and her. 

"Sis I'm proud of you. Of what you accomplished. I know you will succeed and I know that--because of you people have a fighting chance now. Don't cry okay? Cuz then I'll start crying and everyone knows that I cry buckets like a baby." 

Sometimes Jane was a sucker for lies. And very easily to distract. 

John felt like a shitty person when he left Jane to cry in the arms of her lover. But he still had his orders. Miranda Lawson was still on the ship and with her arm in a sling she should be easier to kill.

Man look at himself, thinking about killing someone. Hadn't been like this since he was a kid on the streets stalking his sister and her gang. 

Unnerved by the resurgence of his aggressive behavior John fled to look for Gus. Surely his best friend could help him.

**Author's Note:**

> Not done yet. Maybe finish?


End file.
